Too Soon? Too Soon?

Saw Gwar tonight.

So here's the thing - I don't really listen to Gwar. I've done my preliminary research, but I didn't spend most of the show up front and collecting a rainbow of dye on my white t-shirt. I watched safely from the balcony. My jaw was loose; I think my mouth was agape for the entire hour and a half. I watched the metal mayhem (with a bit of grit punk) for what it was, and that was ridiculous. How anyone can listen to Gwar for more than ten minutes is beyond me, but I can easily see how they gather such fanatical tour stops. It was like a fucking tie-dye party!

Among the decapitations, giant strap-on cock and balls, rape and governmental cracks, and minion slaves wearing thongs, Gwar struck a giant sword through a T-rex, killed Don Vito and Little Man from Viva La Bam, Bush, Osama, Hitler, and zombie dude they referred to as Casey Calvert from Hawthorne Heights (Too soon? Probably considering it was at the same venue - 930 Club in DC - but it's Gwar and no one actually takes them seriously). And as for the last defiant note of theatrical shock rock, the "singer" hollered "Fuck the police! Fuck the government! You are OK! Gwar is OK!" and something else about world domination. I might've been watching the satanic Tony awards. GG Allin knew what stage he was shitting on, but Gwar's not looking for jail time. Their set was so over-the-top, so overdone, and so overly conscious of what it was trying to do that there is no way that I cannot appreciate and be entertained. It's amusing.

If you want fucked up shit, watch these. Or read Drugs Are Nice, and even that seems relatively calm compared to the oral history of GG Allin. That guy is a fucked up motherfucker, and that's why I find him exhilarating to learn about. Lisa Suck Dog was fucked up too. Her whole fictionalized zine life was like one huge acid trip. How do these people think?

Bastardized rock history is actually PG-rated. VH1 quivers in their boot knees at footage like this, but it's the only way to understand how real underground music exists - sometimes even in current manifests. You have to watch the full spectrum, all extremes, to grasp the griminess, which is really what rock is. GG Allin, well, he's just in his own category, but the derivatives are still deserving.

Heroin seemed like a glamorous, nearly right wing way to die, GG. I almost wish you had killed yourself on stage one of those Halloweens. That, however, I don't wish to see on YouTube.





Now I need to know if Lordi takes themselves seriously. Maybe it's like a Kiss situation? Entirely theatrical but entirely too genuine of an effort?